Thursday, 2 May 2013


I am a sufferer of some very sad obsessions. These are generally trivial wastes of time so I would say 'don't judge' but that would sound too hipstery.

1. Labelling someone as a hipster.

Pretty self-explanatory - hipsters are pretty fun to point out and ridicule. Nicely. Sort of.
Whenever someone says that they 'liked them before they were cool' or that 'don't be mainstream, be indie!' or 'yolo swag indie don't judge luvin lyf hipster instagram' I am gripped by an undying urge to pummel their face into a hipster triangle. It's so silly, being 'indie' because everyone else is. And being selfish and keeping brilliant bands to yourself. Which I do, because then everyone else will be like 'what are you listening to this is crap omg it's not famous because it shouldn't be you're listening to this cos you want to be indie you have no swag you nerdy geek'.
It's so fun to point out these poor people. Especially when they say that they themselves hate hipsters.

Beware those who drink coffee with soy milk and wear tights with shorts and beanies and scarves and claim to be part of geeky fandoms and listen to completely unknown bands with names that sound like they were based on a drunk text.
Then label them a hipster. Expect a lashing out in some sophisticated English or some exotic language.

2. Jedward.

These guys are the most ridiculous boys ever - John Paul Henry Daniel Richard and Edward Peter Anthony Kevin Patrick Grimes. Their hair is like a blond Jimmy Neutron's and their dancing is HILARIOUS. They're so bad they're brilliant. And not to mention their fake American accents and cockiness and I'm sorry I just can't stop laughing.

I was watching their X-Factor audition and cringing the whole way through...:

I am laughing so hard right now I feel a six pack coming on harder than their hair when it's gelled.
They're so cliché and stupid that I want them as little singing pets. sorry, boys.

For some odd reason or other I am obsessed with them. Their odd demeanour and plain idiocy leaves little to the imagination but they would be the best comedy act.

I wonder if they're smart.
The funniest video EVER. It's like Gangnam Style except where the boys look like vampire zombies wearing hipster glasses and those weird spiky numbers.

And the odd pseudo-talking at the end. Very odd indeed. Although you couldn't expect much when these boys directed the video.

And for some odd reason I can't get enough of them. I think that these boys might be the big one.

3. Ke$ha.

Even with a dollar sign in her name, even with a name like Kesha, even with her trashy identity, I am obsessed with Ke$ha. I'm not sure whether it's because she's pretty or she can write really catchy songs or just because she looked like she was discovered living in a dumpster with Russell Brand but I am hooked.

Her songs are so catchy. Seriously. They're boring and generic but they tend to just stick in your head with such a vigilant stubborness that I've learnt to accept that once you hear a Ke$ha song, it's stuck in your head until you hear the next Ke$ha song. The songs are so annoying and such earworms, though, that I may just want to die young.

Her image is so pathetic - it's like wet dog meets sleazy rapper meets blonde child of the ghetto meets hobo. It's rather disgusting, if anything.

I think it's just the catchy songs. Somehow my brain equates 'catchy' to 'good' so I tend to hear Ke$ha in my head quite a lot. Save me. I can't stop brushing my teeth with Jack.
This is the weirdest video I have ever seen. Cutting your solar plexus open with a pen knife so that glitter can pour out and shower the people you just met make complete sense, ladies and gentlemen.
I think that's about all my sad obsessions for now - I can't remember any others (yet). Stay tuned for updates or maybe #2 and #3, depending on whether I can get a life or not.

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